


High Tolerance

by frackin_sweet



Category: Naruto
Genre: ANBU Legacy - Freeform, Attempt at Humor, Gen, M/M, Marijuana, Shotgunning, Smoking, Teamwork, work-related drug use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-08-13 08:30:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20171257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frackin_sweet/pseuds/frackin_sweet
Summary: Team Six pulls a mission to Kusa that requires a different sort of preparation. Ryouma has experience, Raidou has complaints, Kakashi has challenges to his motor skills and Genma has food.  Hilarity ensues?





	High Tolerance

**Author's Note:**

> Story takes place in the world of ANBU Legacy by saunterleftside, kilerkki, nezuko, and aubreyli. Thanks y'all for being encouraging and supportive of people writing stories about your stories!! (High Tolerance is NOT Legacy-canon compliant, obvi.)
> 
> Title is courtesy of stillnotovermylordsixth, who read this thing at all stages and was still willing to help me. <3

Raidou dropped the mission briefing folder on his desk and banged his forehead against it. “Why.”

_ __ _

_ __ _

“Seriously, it can’t be that bad.” Genma reached for a protruding edge of paper and filched it out. He scanned the paper and his eyes widened. “Well. Maybe it’s Sagara-sama punishing us for all the shit we’ve gotten into this year?”

Ryouma slurped loudly on his coffee. “Except that we’ve each already _been_ punished for all of that shit.” He continued draining the cup as loudly and offensively as possible when Kakashi swiped it away from him and he was left sucking on air. __

_ __ _

_ __ _

“Just tell us what it is, already. Can’t be worse than demons or dimension-hopping.”

Raidou still hadn’t lifted his head, so Genma took over. “Remember that time in Arechi Hill Safehouse, when Hatake was off his head on pain meds and being kind of hilarious?”

“_I_ don’t remember it,” Kakashi said darkly.__

_ _“I do. You were all clumsy and handsy. It was adorable.” The look Ryouma gave him was shiny and fond. _ _

_ _Raidou’s muffled voice issued from the vicinity of the desktop. “And you said something about how we’d better never take him to Grass Country.....”_ _

“Fuck. _Yes_.” Ryouma gave up trying to get his coffee cup back and threw up both hands in gleeful devil horns._ _

__

__

__

__

_ _Raidou lifted his head and gave him a baleful look. “Curb. Your. Enthusiasm. Right the fuck now.”_ _

_ _Ryouma dimmed just a little. “Sorry, Taichou.”_ _

_ _Genma continued in his usual vein of trying to add structure to the proceedings. He read silently, then summarized, “Botanists in Grass have developed some new, more potent strains of cannabis. The mission is to obtain and bring back samples for study and possible cultivation.”_ _

_ _“Covert op?” Kakashi asked, interested._ _

_ _“Well, we have diplomatic relations with Grass, so no.” Genma smiled. “But Intel's notes include specific language about subtlety and a light footprint...”_ _

_ _Raidou gave a pointed look to his rookies. “Which means no killing anyone. We’re going to get what we need with stealth and strategy.”_ _

_ _“And charm,” Ryouma chimed in, complete with his most winning smile._ _

_ _“And guile,” Genma added._ _

_ _Kakashi finished rolling his eyes and tossed a kunai, pinning Ryouma’s discarded cup to the wall with a _thunk_. “And maybe a little minor violence, right? Drug dealers are bad people.”_ _

_ _“Won’t be necessary,” Ryouma scoffed. “We roll up like fancy rich tourists looking for a designer high and they’ll be falling over each other to sell us the good shit.”_ _

_ _“Because you know what the good shit is?”_ _

_ _“Hell yeah I do! And we probably all need to like...develop some tolerance, am I right?” Ryouma warmed to his topic. “Because medically, we need to know how each of us reacts when high, and we need to come off like we know what we’re doing. How long do we have to prepare?”_ _

_ _“Oh my god.” Raidou dropped his head again. “Am I being hazed? Why did it not happen months ago?”_ _

_ _Genma patted him sympathetically. “Because we were all too busy almost dying all the time?” He continued with the briefing details. “We leave tomorrow, and yeah, it’s stated in the briefing materials that we need to be prepared to blend in with the local element, which means we’re likely to end up in situations where we have to sample the product.” He rolled his senbon from one side of his mouth to the other. “Obviously Tousaki has been around the block a few times, and I’m not going to lie, I can appreciate a good smoke now and then.”_ _

_ _“Figured you’d be more of an edibles person,” Kakashi deadpanned._ _

_ _“That too,” Genma agreed. “So, Taichou? You agree that we need to do this tonight?”_ _

_ _The silence stretched so long that it seemed certain Raidou was still in deep denial, then he finally lifted his head again and rubbed his face hard. His eyes already looked red and bloodshot, and all they were doing was _talking_ about smoking. _ _

“First, my acquiescence does _not_ equal agreement. Second, since I haven’t smoked anything since I was a teenager, and Hatake’s probably a complete substance abuse virgin -”_ _

_ _“Hey!”_ _

“Apologies, since Hatake’s _really into clean living_ \- is that better? - second, we obviously need to get a baseline for his and my tolerances.” He heaved a huge, put-upon sigh, and opened a desk drawer. “Our ever-thoughtful commanders decided to front us the necessary prep materials.” He pulled out a plain manila envelope, opened it, and withdrew a couple of baggies that gave off a pungent, piney fragrance even through the plastic. “Tousaki, I’ll assume you have paraphernalia, and no, I don’t want to know more.” _ _

Ryouma caught the baggies with one hand. “Got it, Taichou. Where are we meeting up for -” he made broad finger-quotes - “_mission prep_?”_ _

_ _“Barracks probably aren’t the best option.” Raidou exchanged a look with Genma, who nodded. “Shiranui’s place, in one hour.”_ _

_ _Ryouma grinned. “I gotta run pick up some stuff I need first.”_ _

_ _Kakashi turned to him. “Like what?”_ _

_ _“Stuff,” Ryouma repeated. “And some CDs, ‘cuz we’re gonna need the right music.” He cocked an eyebrow at Kakashi. “Y’wanna come with?”_ _

_ _Expressionless, Kakashi eyeballed the baggies, and then Ryouma’s smug face. “Wouldn’t miss it.” _ _

_ _After they left, Genma looked at his exhausted captain. “You sure about this, Taichou?”_ _

_ _Raidou just shook his head. “Not at all. But we’re doing it anyhow.” He stood abruptly and tossed his gear into a locker before smacking Genma on the shoulder. “Let’s go. I need to get some cash out so I can go clean the convenience store by your place out of chips and fried shit.”_ _

_ _“And cookie dough,” Genma agreed, turning out the office lights and following._ _

_ _

_ _*_ _

_ _Kakashi had been in Genma’s place enough to be familiar with all of the dark corners (minimal) and exits (window, door, skylight, window, window), but the flickering play of light and shadow cast by a multitude of candles scattered about seemed a pleasant and unthreatening enough addition. “Good ambiance,” he commented. _ _

_ _When Ryouma looked up surreptitiously from the buds he was grinding, Kakashi added, “Mood-setting,” in a quiet voice._ _

_ _“I agree, Fukuchou.” Ryouma checked the consistency of the ground herb and gave the grinder a few more twists. “The candles are a nice touch.”_ _

_ _Genma grabbed bottles out of the fridge and distributed them. “Figured we need a chill vibe, you know?”_ _

_ _Ryouma nodded as he dribbled fragrant leaves over the rolling paper, picking out a seed here and there. He looked at Kakashi again. “You know, you might want to learn how to do this before you get too high.”_ _

_ _“Because it’s rocket science, right.” Kakashi gave a put-upon little grunt, but after a moment he pushed the covering up off his left eye and let the Sharingan spin. “Keep going, then.”_ _

_ _Ryouma finished the process neatly, holding out his hand for the little index-card filter he’d made earlier and placing it on one end of the paper. Then he folded, rocked it a little to distribute the contents into the fold, and rolled it almost all the way before bringing it to his mouth to lick the edge. _ _

_ _Kakashi choked a little on his beer at this point and had to turn his head before there was a mask malfunction. He turned back to see Genma hand Ryouma a lighter. Ryouma settled the joint between his lips and lit the twisted end, a second of cherry-red flare. He didn’t seem to inhale beyond what it took to spark the joint before offering it to Raidou. “You first, Taichou?”_ _

_ _“Is that polite, offering it to your commanding officer first?” Kakashi asked. “Shouldn’t you offer it to Shiranui? He’s the host.”_ _

_ _Ryouma was opening his mouth to sass back when Raidou took the joint. “Could you two just shut up for like, five minutes?” He took a measured inhale and held it several seconds before passing to Genma._ _

_ _Genma inspected the joint before hitting it. “Which one did you try first? No, let me guess…” he held the smoke a moment, and then did that trick where it curled out his nostrils when he spoke again. “Is this the Shodai Thunder?”_ _

“They named a strain of marijuana after _the First Hokage_?” Kakashi’s monotone managed to hold a heavy note of scandal. _ _

_ _“He was known for pioneering lots of things,” Genma shrugged. “I heard that it was Nidaime who perfected it, though.” He held out the joint. “Let go your judgement, Hatake.”_ _

_ _Kakashi gave him a bland look. “I’ll pass this round.”_ _

_ _Ryouma chuckled and took it. “Called that one,” he said, inhaling long enough that a tendril of sharp smoke caught him in the eye and made it snap shut in a wink. “You can partake. Promise I’ll take good care of you.”_ _

“_We’ll_ take good care of you,” Genma amended, doing a puff and pass to Ryouma, who offered to Kakashi (refused) again before moving on to Raidou._ _

_ _After Raidou’s next hit, he held the joint out to Kakashi and made rather aggressive eye contact, especially if you considered his eyes were only about half-open. “Hatake. This is mission prep, and you’re shirking your duty.”_ _

_ _Kakashi eyed him back. “That’s kind of like peer pressure. And kind of not cool.”_ _

_ _“I kind of don’t give a shit if it’s cool, and we’re not peers. It’s my job to tell you what to do, and your job to do it.”_ _

_ _“Taichou’s really good at giving orders,” Ryouma whispered loudly, and when everyone’s heads turned towards him, “Did I say that out loud?” _ _

He watched Kakashi take the joint from Raidou, and suddenly realized how he could help. This was perhaps his best idea, like, _ever_. _ _

_ _“Here, I get it. The mask thing. Like, you’re good at eating and drinking without anyone seeing, but smoking’s different, so let’s do it this way.” Ryouma held out his hand, and when Kakashi handed the joint over he took a long drag and held it. “Lean close and open your mouth,” he said tightly, trying to keep the smoke in._ _

_ _“What?” Kakashi looked at him like he was crazy._ _

_ _“Trust me.”_ _

_ _“Oh...kay?” Kakashi wore his most skeptical expression, but leaned in anyhow, and Ryouma saw the now-familiar silhouette of parted lips. _ _

_ _Trying to keep the intimate gesture as casual as possible, Ryouma set his fingers against Kakashi’s jaw and tipped it up, then sealed his mouth over Kakashi’s and exhaled._ _

_ _Kakashi, shocked into compliance, took the smoke like a champ. When Ryouma knew he had it all he broke contact and held up a finger. “Don’t let it out yet. My lungs kinda filtered it first, then your mask did, so you got a pretty gentle hit. Just hang on to it for a few.”_ _

_ _Genma’s gaze traveled around the faces of his teammates. Ryouma, looking proud of his technique. Kakashi, not breathing, eyebrows up to his hairline at Ryouma. And Raidou, a little slack in both the eyelids and jaw. Genma took the joint, since nobody else seemed inclined to at the moment._ _

_ _“Okay, Hatake. You can probably exhale now,” Genma said, giving Kakashi a gentle pat on the back. Kakashi responded by coughing until the visible skin of his face reddened. _ _

_ _“Awesome!” Ryouma enthused. “Coughing opens up the bronchioles so they can absorb more THC from the smoke!”_ _

_ _Raidou turned his slack-jawed look towards Genma. “How does he even know the medical aspects of this shit? Did you teach him that?”_ _

_ _Genma tried not to giggle, which was a thing he thought might freak Raidou out. “Nope. That’s from his own personal knowledge base.” A thought occurred to him. “You know, you just watched those two overstep a pretty major boundary right there. And not a word out of you.”_ _

_ _Raidou had taken another very healthy hit on the joint, which was close to losing the cherry at this point. “I...what now?”_ _

_ _Genma cupped his hand under it and assisted in passing it back to Ryouma. “Here. Just watch. I think they’re gonna do it again.”_ _

_ _Ryouma did shotgun Kakashi again, right in front of the gods and everybody. Genma tucked himself up next to Raidou, who wore an expression of uninvested concern, as though he thought he should say something but couldn’t come up with exactly what, or with the energy to care a lot. “So. Those two get along good now,” Raidou commented._ _

_ _Genma looked down at his captain, whose puzzled half-smile was way more attractive than it should have been, but also, nobody was caring about the should-haves at the moment, so fuck it. “They’re just doing teamwork, I think.” The joint had wound its way back to his fingers one last time. He looked crookedly down at Raidou’s stupid attractive mouth. “We could too, if you wanted.”_ _

_ _And then, because the gods were capricious, Raidou spent about a minute staring at Genma’s lips before giving what sounded like half-laugh, half-groan. “Except, the joint went out.”_ _

_ _Well, okay then. Genma sighed and snagged a nearby ashtray to save the roach in case someone wanted to use it to help pack a bowl later. Which reminded him, he had a favorite glass pipe stashed somewhere that he could look for. That was a great idea. He stood and stretched._ _

_ _“Anybody want anything while I’m up?”_ _

_ _Raidou, even as sleepy as he looked, didn’t miss a beat. “Bag of chips wouldn’t hurt.”_ _

_ _Ryouma had slid down to the floor to start sorting through their stash on the table. “Chips would be great. Or...are there chicken wings?”_ _

_ _Genma rummaged in his fridge. “I can maybe throw something in the oven, if you’re not too picky.”_ _

Ryouma wasn’t picky, just hungry. “Oooh, have you been to your dad’s recently? Are there buns? Pastries? _Cupcakes_?”_ _

_ _Kakashi unrolled himself from his slumped position on the couch with every bit of his usual lithe coordination. He appeared to be doing far better than anyone expected, for his first time. “I could use another beer,” he called out to Genma, holding up one hand. “Just toss it over.”_ _

_ _“Got it.” Genma underhanded a bottle that sailed right by Kakashi and, fortunately, landed on the couch cushions and not the floor. _ _

_ _Kakashi didn’t blink, just stood there motionless with his hand still in the air. “Just toss it over,” he repeated in the exact same expectant tone of voice._ _

_ _Raidou stared at Kakashi. “Wow.”_ _

_ _“Somebody make a note that Hatake’s depth perception and reaction time are a little compromised,” Genma called from the fridge._ _

_ _“If by ‘compromised’ you mean ‘totally fucked’, then yeah, let’s note that.” Raidou thought about writing utensils for a brief moment. Mission prep, right, they should really be keeping track of some of this._ _

_ _Ryouma smiled and shook his head a little, still sorting through a small pile of buds. “Beer’s behind you, babe. On the couch.”_ _

Now Raidou stared at Ryouma. “Did you just…call Hatake _babe_?”_ _

_ _By now Kakashi had located his beer. “You must get auditory hallucinations when you’re stoned, Taichou.” He sat down next to Ryouma. “I can roll the next one,” he volunteered._ _

_ _“You sure?”_ _

_ _“You made me use a very chakra-intensive bloodline limit to learn how, so, yeah, I’m sure.” Kakashi elbowed him out of the way. “Hey, this batch smells like blueberry.”_ _

_ _“Tastes like it too,” Ryouma asserted, getting to his feet with somewhat less grace than Genma and Kakashi had. “Fukuchou, you want help? We could bake something!”_ _

_ _Raidou watched him go for a long moment, and then turned back to Kakashi, who was rolling the next joint with amazing dexterity for someone who had just failed to even try to catch a very slowly-thrown beer. _ _

_ _But Raidou was not going to be distracted by the seemingly inverse relationship between declining gross motor skills and improved fine motor skills. “Tousaki. Called you. Babe.”_ _

_ _ Kakashi shrugged eloquently, so Raidou sat up and leaned forward, or at least he tried to. “I didn’t imagine that.”_ _

_ _“He was just being....affectionate.” Kakashi’s eye curved into what even Raidou’s altered mind could see equaled blatant insolence. “I assumed you already knew he’s like that.”_ _

“The fuck I knew...” A flood of memory dumped into Raidou’s brain like an overturned syrup jar, coating the crevices with sticky thoroughness. Ugh. Sometimes you just had to award Hatake his point and move on. “It was _one night_, jackass. We weren’t in a pet names kind of place.”_ _

_ _Kakashi made a neutral sound as he finished off his handiwork. When he held it up, it was considerably fatter than Ryouma’s earlier one. “Did I put too much in?”_ _

_ _“Are you kidding?” Raidou thrust a hand into the couch cushions and came up with the lighter. “That thing looks great.”_ _

_ _“It does,” Kakashi agreed, taking the lighter. “I’m good at this.”_ _

_ _Raidou rolled his eyes, noticing how it seemed to happen much more slowly than he expected. “Like you don’t already know you’re good at everything.”_ _

_ _Kakashi kept staring at the joint. “Not everything,” he said, and handed it back to Raidou with the lighter. _ _

_ _Raidou had enough presence of mind to realize lighting the thing would involve too much masklessness, and it occurred to him something that Kakashi was, indeed, not good at. “Yeah, well. Vulnerability is hard, for lots of people.” He lit and inhaled. “Hey, Tousaki was right. Blueberry. Nice.”_ _

_ _Kakashi took the joint and performed some sort of maneuver where he smoked it out of the corner of his mouth, or at least it looked like that was what happened since the mask on the side of his face that was visible to Raidou didn’t budge._ _

_ _After a few long moments Kakashi spoke again. “I’m not good at....getting along with people. Or caring about the consequences of not getting along with them.” He looked sidelong at Raidou. “It’s made me have problems with you. Makes me hard to command. I know it does.”_ _

_ _Raidou snorted, which made him cough, and hey, just like Tousaki said...more THC in the bronchioles or whatever the fuck. He let himself sink back into the couch. “It’s not...how to put this. Um.” He reached for clarity, didn’t find it, and took another hit. “My problems with you are my problems. Figuring out how to command you, and to make you be invested in the things I need you to be _for your own good_, is my problem.”_ _

_ _“I’m invested in the team.”_ _

_ _“I know you are. That much is clear to me, and if I don’t put it in your next performance review you should remind me of this evening, as smugly and superciliously as you need to.”_ _

_ _“Oh, sure. Is this better? ‘Taichou, you got super high and told me I was awesome and should get a promotion. Then we hugged!’ “ Kakashi’s voice flipped up into a raspy approximation of what it must have sounded like before it changed._ _

_ _Raidou figured that must have happened three years ago, tops. This kid. “What, you think I wouldn’t hug you?” He snaked an arm out and around Kakashi’s shoulders, since a slightly uncoordinated squirm put Kakashi’s midsection out of reach. “Everybody needs hugs. It’s the one thing in life that I’m sure of.”_ _

_ _Kakashi took an absolutely lethal hit of the rapidly burning joint, and left the mask off his nose after he exhaled. Raidou went completely still, not sure if he was now hallucinating, or possibly about to be killed. Ugh, his moms were going to find the details of his death so embarrassing._ _

_ _After a long silence, during which Raidou took the joint again and Kakashi relaxed slightly against his side, Kakashi spoke again. “I don’t think Ryouma ever got hugged enough.”_ _

_ _Oh, boy. Out of the frying pan. “Yeah,” Raidou replied. “You trying to fix that?” He kept his voice light._ _

_ _Kakashi responded by actually letting his head roll back on Raidou’s arm. “Nah.” The mask moved as though he were worrying his lip with his teeth. “I wish I could, though.”_ _

Raidou sort of patted him. Again...this kid. “Yeah. I know. I wish you could too, but I don’t think it works that way.” Then he settled his hand on the back of Kakashi’s neck, turning his head so they could achieve maximum eye contact. Kakashi didn’t flinch. “But whatever you and Tousaki are doing, it seems like it’s....fuck. It’s not a bad thing. For either of you. So I’m gonna pretend he didn’t ‘babe’ you and that you don’t make cow eyes at him all the time. Cow eye. Whatever.” Because, hazily, Raidou realized he’d been witnessing that happen for _months_ now._ _

_ _He gave Kakashi’s neck, surprisingly slender and soft-skinned, a little squeeze. “Don’t do anything that makes me have to officially notice the thing. Okay?”_ _

_ _Kakashi gave him that sidelong, measuring look again, the gray of his visible eye swallowed by black pupil. “Okay.” Something in the eye movement made him look down, and he seemed to develop awareness of the mask-slippage. He hooked a finger under an edge of cloth and resettled it properly. __

_ __ _

_ __ _

_ _ _“You’re a decent captain, Namiashi,” he said._ _ _

__

_ _ _Well, if that wasn’t some faint praise. “Hatake, you’ve probably never brown-nosed anyone in your short-yet-distinguished life. Don’t start now,” Raidou replied. ___

_ __ _

_ _ __ _ _

_ _ _“I wasn’t.”_ _ _

__

__

_ _For just a split-second, Kakashi’s visible features gave Raidou got the impression that he’d hurt his rookie’s feelings. Goddammit. This was what happened when people did drugs together: sarcasm stopped working and then they got their emotions all over each other. It reminded Raidou of why he’d always stuck to other methods of distraction. “Sorry. I read that wrong.” He patted Kakashi’s shoulder again. “Thanks.”_ _

Ryouma, king of timing, chose this moment to skid back into the room in his socks. “Guys!” he practically yelled. “Genma...Fukuchou...he made _fudge_!”_ _

_ _“It’s not done yet!” Genma called from the vicinity of the stove. _ _

_ _Kakashi gave Ryouma a long-once over from under his hair, which was beginning to lose its usual advantage over gravity as the loft got hotter and more humid. Ryouma had clearly decided to address the heat and humidity issue by losing his shirt. To the surprise of no one._ _

_ _“Suppose we should be grateful you’re not fully naked,” Raidou drawled, frankly a little glad for the distraction._ _

_ _“Should we be?” Kakashi asked, frowning a little. “Grateful?”_ _

_ _Another point to the smart genius kid who apparently shared Raidou’s high level of familiarity with Ryouma’s nakedness. “Okay. Maybe not entirely,” Raidou amended._ _

“I wouldn’t _cook naked_, thank you very much,” Ryouma said with as much dignity as a half-naked person with chocolate on his face could achieve. He jerked his chin towards the kitchen. “Genma would be even more naked than me, if he didn’t have an apron on!”_ _

_ _“Genma naked what now?” Genma appeared at that point, hand cupped under a spoon full of something chocolatey-smelling. Sure enough, shirtless, barefoot and in shorts, although the full presentation of lean musculature was obscured somewhat by an apron emblazoned with “KISS THE COOK”. And an arrow pointing downward from the navel-region._ _

_ _Ryouma held out an accusatory hand. “See!”_ _

_ _Kakashi’s eye went wide, and then he simply fell over in snorts of laughter._ _

_ _“The. Fuck. Are you wearing.” Raidou enunciated slowly._ _

_ _Genma’s entire visible body blushed, which was definitely nice, but he gamely defended his garment choices. “It’s hot in here, and I’m trying not to get melted chocolate all over myself. That would be a really dumb injury to show up at the hospital with.”_ _

_ _“They’ve seen it,” Kakashi wheezed from his position mashed against the couch. “Trust me. Rin has stories.”_ _

_ _“Is your _apron_ propositioning me?” Raidou asked, unable to get past that point. _ _

_ _Kakashi now rolled onto the floor, where his convulsions attracted Ryouma’s attention. Ryouma dropped to his knees to do something that looked halfway between helping Kakashi upright, and just fondly groping him._ _

_ _“Genma’s apron doesn’t understand boundaries, Taichou!” Ryouma crowed. He finally managed to haul Kakashi into a sitting position, at which point the leafy detritus on the tabletop caught his attention. “What! You guys smoked the blueberry shit without us!” Outrage rendered Ryouma more quietly grumbly after that. _ _

_ _Genma still stood over Raidou in his randy apron, holding the spoon. “If you liked sweets, I’d ask you to taste this, but since you don’t….” Genma held out his other hand. “Come on and get your chips, man. I forgot to bring them to you.”_ _

_ _Raidou complied, and let himself be led. “Hell, I could try the chocolate, now that all of my other personal limits are being tested.”_ _

_ _Genma tucked a lock of hair behind his ear and dipped the spoon back into the slowly-burbling chocolate pot. “Now you’re freaking me out a little,” he smiled._ _

Raidou shrugged and leaned against the counter. “Hey, there are weirder things, right? Like...get this...a few minutes ago I _saw Hatake’s nose_. And I think he knew I saw it. And nobody died.”_ _

_ _“Are you fucking _kidding me_?” Genma hissed. _ _

_ _“And that’s not all...we like, had meaningful conversation, and then he _told me I was a decent captain_ and I don’t even think he was being a little shit.” Raidou stared at his lieutenant. “What is even happening right now?”_ _

_ _“Well.” Genma had stopped stirring the pot for a moment in order to reposition the senbon holding his hair back, and Raidou was again distracted because _why was everything so distracting right now_? “You’re normally fine with meaningful conversation, so that’s not strange. Weed lowers inhibitions in some people, and he’s clearly high as balls, so…” Genma shrugged and started stirring again. “I say take it for what it is. It’s not like you two haven’t needed to have a little heart to heart for awhile.”_ _

_ _“High as balls? Is that a medical term?” Raidou noticed the glass pipe sitting full next to him on the counter. He picked it up._ _

_ _“Oh, hey, I forgot I asked Tousaki to pack that.” Genma gestured with his free hand, and when Raidou handed it over he took a match from a metal canister over the stove and struck it. “So, Hatake’s face. What was that like?”_ _

_ _Raidou watched an ember catch and glow hot among the dense packing of leaves in the pipe. Watched Genma’s cheeks hollow as he sucked on the mouthpiece. Watched his forefinger uncover a tiny hole in the bowl._ _

_ _“Just his nose, but it was like....yeah,” Raidou finally finished, coherent though almost obliterated by Genma’s lips opening to attempt smoke rings. “Know what I mean?”_ _

_ _Genma considered. “Here’s my guess...if Hatake ever breaks up with the mask, nobody’s going to be able to concentrate when he’s within eyeshot?”_ _

_ _“He’s got a nice nose,” Raidou admitted. “And he doesn’t seem to be hiding a harelip or buck teeth under there.” He looked down at the pipe he was now holding. When had Genma handed it to him?_ _

_ _“Oh, hey, I wasn’t thinking...you’ve probably never tried one of those.”_ _

_ _Raidou tilted an eyebrow. “What, you question my experience?”_ _

_ _Genma failed to hide a smirk. “With this, yeah. A little.” He reached out and repositioned the pipe in Raidou’s hand. “Underhand, against your palm like this. And put one finger over the carb. Just light the edge so you don’t burn the whole thing at once - “_ _

_ _“And then suck, right?”_ _

_ _“I was gonna say inhale, but yeah, we’ll go with that,” Genma leaned in, lips pursed to evaluate Raidou’s technique. “Now take your finger off the hole...suck in a little more...like that…”_ _

_ _Raidou might notice that the smoke seemed hotter and denser than it did from the joint, if he could focus on something other than Genma’s mouth. In particular, the little divot in his top lip, the way a day’s worth of facial hair growth probably felt like fine sandpaper there, if you slipped a fingertip into it...or your tongue…_ _

_ _He let his breath out slowly, watching smoke spiral, wreathing Genma’s face._ _

_ _The mingled smells of chocolate, slow-burning weed, and Raidou’s skin were all combining into a heady cocktail called Very Bad Decisions. Genma had to decide very quickly if tossing it back was going to be worth the fallout._ _

_ _Was it something Raidou would want? They’d talked about it in the past, sure. But situations ripe for kissing had been scarce since the tanuki mission. And this was possibly not a good one either, as Raidou was clearly pretty baked. _ _

_ _But he did seem to be handling his surroundings and general conversation with almost sober levels of aptitude. So...fuck it. Genma was also high. Enough to put them on an even playing field, at least._ _

_ _Genma focused again on the slow movement of the spoon through the chocolate. “I’m going to ask you something. Hypothetically, of course.”_ _

_ _“Is it if it’s hot in here? It’s fucking hot in here.” Raidou put the pipe down and made a face._ _

_ _“Well, who told you to wear a _hoodie_? It’s always a little warm up here, and you’re standing in front of a stove,” Genma reasoned._ _

_ _Raidou’s eyebrows went up like this was brand new information. “Good point,” he agreed. Then he unzipped the hoodie and let it drop backwards, revealing a considerable lack of shirt underneath. “Whatever, it was laundry day.”_ _

_Do not look at your hot shirtless crush. Who is your hot superior officer. Who you were about to ask what he thought about potential future makeouts between the two of you. Abort, abort, ABORT. _

_ _“You, uh.” Genma forced himself to keep stirring. “You wanna borrow a t-shirt or something?”_ _

_ _“Why? I feel better now,” Raidou said, rubbing a hand absently across the ladder of his abs. “Any of your shirts would probably be too tight on me anyhow.” He quirked that crooked smile that made Genma want to melt right into the chocolate pot. “What were you gonna hypothetically ask me, again?”_ _

_ _Okay, short term memory still intact...maybe not as messed up as Genma had thought. Still…_ _

_ _He lifted the spoon. “Just if...you thought you might want to taste this. Like you said earlier...since your boundaries are being tested.” _So smooth, Shiranui_. Genma mentally rolled his eyes at himself._ _

_ _Raidou eyed the spoon a little dubiously, and then moved closer. “Eh. I dunno. You’ve got like three full mouthfuls of the stuff in that spoon. That’s a lot.”_ _

_ _“Oh my god, you’re stubborn.” Genma tested the edge of the spoon with a finger, and then scooped some chocolate out. “Here. Barely a taste.”_ _

He realized his mistake far too late, about the time Raidou’s lips closed on his finger and his chemically altered brain reveled in the full sensation of warm, sinuous tongue and skin-dragging suction. _Oh, fuck me. Abort. No, actually, fuck me. _

__

__

Raidou had wrapped his fingers around Genma’s hand, and now his finger came free of Raidou’s mouth with an audible _pop_. Genma, startled out of a rapidly developing fantasy, bumped into the pot handle. It tipped alarmingly on the burner, and he shifted to make a barehanded grab. “Shit!” _ _

_ _He could now add blisters to stupidity for the evening._ _

_ _“Oh, that was dumb,” Raidou agreed. He reached out. “Let me see.”_ _

_ _Genma let Raidou pull him over the sink and hold his hand under cold water. “It’s fine.”_ _

Raidou tilted his head. “That was kind of a clumsy move, for a ninja.” He leaned closer, his lips brushing lightly against Genma’s ear. “Think you might be _high as balls_, Lieutenant?”_ _

“I think -” Genma turned, and Raidou was _right there_, and -_ _

_ _“Heeeey!“ Ryouma called from the vicinity of the couch. “Isn’t the fudge done yet?”_ _

_ _They sprang apart. “No!” Raidou practically yelled._ _

_ _“Yes,” Genma replied at the same moment, and added. “Might be a little burnt, though.”_ _

“It’s fine,” Kakashi said, and what the _fuck_, he was _right next to them_, making his officers fervently thankful for the strong smell of scorched chocolate and blueberry weed. “I’ll find us something else to eat.”_ _ __

__

__

_ _With that, he opened the refrigerator. And stared into it. Silently. For at least two minutes._ _

_ _More than long enough for Raidou and Genma to regain their composure. “Hatake?” Genma touched him on the shoulder. “What’re you doing?”_ _

_ _Kakashi didn’t answer._ _

_ _Genma reached past him to grab some takeout containers he didn’t think were too old, along with one of the bags of chips. He pressed them into Kakashi’s hands and bodily turned him around. “Go. Take Tousaki some food.”_ _

_ _They watched him go back to Ryouma, who had a fresh joint behind each ear and greeted the food’s delivery with an enthusiasm that involved singing and air guitar._ _

_ _“Wow,” Raidou said._ _

_ _“We’re totally cutting him off,” Genma said._ _

_ _“Which one?” Raidou asked. Then made a pointed glance at the pipe on the counter. _ _

_ _Genma picked it up. “Yes,” he said, opening a cabinet and shoving the pipe inside. “Time to go babysit the rookies.”_ _

_ _Raidou gave him a lazy, slanted grin as he snagged a beer out of the fridge. “Nobody’s a rookie after tonight.” _ _

_ _He wandered over to the couch and gave Ryouma a sort-of gentle smack on the back of the head. “Tousaki, why dont’cha use some of that famous music-snobbery and find us something to listen to?”_ _

Kakashi snagged a CD out of the pile and held it out - Raidou could see the words “Chalk Outline” on it - but Ryouma waved it off.

“Naahh, that’s one’s good for you ‘n me, but we need something more mellow. Officers an’ all, y’know?” He sent a lidded glance in Raidou’s direction, and then selected a different CD. “This’ll work.” He cued it up and plunked his long body back down on the floor.

What sounded disturbingly like someone making a manic attempt to play an accordion collapsed into a stripped down guitar, languid bassline and a girl’s tumbling honeysuckle warble.

_When you get sober_  
_Will you get kinder?_  
_‘Cause when you get uptight_  
_It’s such a drag_  
_When I get older_  
_I won’t remember_  
_Until that day comes_  
_I’ve got something on you…_

Dusk had finally gathered outside, blanketing the loft in a haze that flickered with candlelight. Raidou had settled into a sprawl on the sofa with his beer while Ryouma and Kakashi continued sorting CDs. Ryouma would carefully select one and hand it to Kakashi, who, head pillowed on Ryouma’s knee, would stare at it for a minute and then set it aside, holding out his hand for the next one. Neither of them seemed to remember the previous CD as soon as it left their hands.

Genma ditched his apron, found a beer for himself and tucked the cold bottle against his burned fingers. 

“I love this team,” he sighed happily, and went to join them.

*

_Three weeks later _

_ _An internal paperwork audit reflected that while Team Six’s mission to Grass Country was successful, some of the individual agents’ mission reports didn’t quite match up. In some cases, details were missing entirely._ _

_ _Intel chose, for reasons unclear, to forgo further inquiry._ _

\-- _The end.__ _

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't already read the stories of ANBU Legacy, do yourself a favor and fix that. [ Go read them ](https://anbulegacy.com/about/).
> 
> Quoted lyrics are from "Under the Blacklight" by Rilo Kiley.
> 
> Thanks for giving this nonsense a chance! <3


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